There's another side of me

Never been this close before

29 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

Term tests next week.
So gonna die.
Can’t learn in lectures, procrastinate at home, hate most of the teachers. How am I gonna learn? :/
Miss having a private tutor.
Wtf chemistry and biology!
Always been lousy in chemistry, never taken biology since sec 3.
Tried to study.
I got some parts of chemistry. But as usual, I’m still shit at the mole part.
Learn and forget biology. Which is really irritating. CANT YOU STUPID INFOS GET INTO MY HEAD?

Completely moodless for everything once I thought of this.
But lots of thanks and love to Muipeng for taking my mind of this a moment yesterday night and made me laugh so much.

Had lots of fun. Why can we find fun in the most absurd places? Hahas. I don’t ever ever want to lose our friendship no matter what. I just love you okay. ^^

Times are good when I’m with my sisterhood too. We’re quite used to each other so the topics we talked about are what we enjoyed talking about. Because.. (sorry) sometimes when I chatted with my new friends, I don’t like the topics at all. That’s why I kept silent. Don’t ask me why I’m quiet. It’s just the things you’re talking about.. I don’t like talking about those stuff. I either only use texts to talk about those kinds of stuff, or not at all. Sorry!

But other times, I just wanna do either nothing or studying. Not in the mood for jokes, my laughs and smiles were all forced. This continues on and I’ll be shortening my lifespan. Especially I sleep so little lately. Yeah that should be the problem… I’ll try sleeping early today.

And Amelia, if you saw this, I belong to One Direction okay! I’ve got 5, its already enough. Harry, Niall, Liam, Louis, Zayn. All mine. Enough. I’m a directioner. The two you’re matching me with… First one, its not a “like” or a “love”. Second one, we don’t talk as much as you thought okay. I’m still awkward with boys as ever.

Going change blogsong and then going for a short short nap before starting studying. No energy, gotta charge up!
Byes!

Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

Blossoms of popcorn showers like spring flowers

25 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

Thats Cashew my princess hamster in the photo above. Love her loads, she has one of the prettiest hamster faces I’ve ever seen. ^^

This week is flying past. Zooming. It’s reaching the weekends soon. GOOD. It was slower last wk. Last wk of this time, it was still wednesday. This week, it’s friday tmr! ^^

So Amelia was acting really weirdly today. Dk whats gotten into her. Like a bit sot sot le, hahas. Then I just read her blog and found out its cos she miss band. And Amelia, of course I care abt you lol! I’m like, your friend?? Even though its only been 6 weeks or so, I love you already. ;D

Actual plan for today was reach home and sleep. But here’s what happened instead:
Went home, decided to check on my pets for a while first.
Don’t see baby mice in cage.
Noticed movement from nearby.
Spotted an escapee baby mice.
Caught it. Found another.
Almost caused “avalanche”
Spotted another baby mice. Was surprised because I thought only 2 was left out of 4.
Caught one. Tried catching that third one.
Caused an avalanche. Moved all cages out of the balcony towards safety then close balcony door, so that the mouse wont escape further.
Spotted the fourth baby mice. Damn surprised. I’ve alr long given up hope on that one.
Caught third one.
My balcony looks like a hurricane hit it or something.
Sweated a lot trying to catch the last mice.
Caught it. By the tail. It bit my little finger. Wont let go. Then ran away after I lose grip.
No blood. It dk how to bite ppl. Hahas!
Balcony look like WW3. Me and the mouse.
Balcony look like end of world. Me and the mouse.
Finally caught it.
Balcony was in a mess. Everything need to be repositioned and cleaned up.
Ended up doing rodent spring cleaning.
Took me 4-5 hours.
During that time, accidentally pangsei-ed phone. So sorry to the ppl I’ve late replied! Lol.

And one of the msg was that I got into archery.
Idk what to feel about this.
I was happy because I actually passed that trial and interview. It’s like a miracle cos I was a couch potato and I’ve never passed interviews before. I usually die at interviews. And I was the FIRST for interview also. :/
But then, I need to be prepared to spend lots of time and money on it. Will it be worth it?

Tmr school starting at 1pm. ^^
Going school early to study w my friends cos there’s this csas quiz tmr and I’ve touched NOTHING.
And tmr aft school meeting my sisterhood for dinner! <3
So in order to have the energy for tmr to wake up early and stay on happy and energetic, I gotta sleep now.
Therefore, goodnight world!

Cheerios,
Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

But you’re the only one I noticed

23 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

Pipc test today. I actually studied for this and do it without cheating or whatsoever, I do it with full concentration and turns out it was quite fun. I miss tests. Sounds stupid but yes, I think I missed the fun of having tests alr. Lol. Must be all the O level spams last year that made me like this. Wtf has happened to me? Something wrong.

Obc test tmr. I haven’t started on it yet. Gonna chiong it later. After dinner. (:

And so me and my friend was talking about love the other day and I was thinking how pathetic it is that I have never gotten a boyfriend before and I’m turning 18. Then I think of some potential people whom I can have a chance with but then there’s no one. I’ve got like, less than 5 actual guy friends. And I’ve drifted with four of them already, and establishing friendship with another one. I don’t talk to guys much which results in my awkwardness with them now. Seriously, I go girl school, mix school, also like no difference sia.

So I thought about who I’m crushing on currently. It’s hard because I really don’t know. Like whenever love quotes are shown to me, I thought of no one but: “Oh, a love quote.” Then I tried liking a new boy or some sorts but I couldn’t find anyone suitable and I felt some kind of guilt when I even start liking a boy by a little bit because… I kinda promised myself and Artemis that I wouldn’t because I don’t want anymore heartbreaks and I wanted more affinity with wildlife and baby animals. But apparently, Artemis’ been lost and doesn’t reply me. I think the most active god now should be Hermes. He replies quite often. Thank you. And so which leaves me in a dilemma of whether I should let myself love again. But I hate loving. Nothing ever comes out of it. Wasting my time thinking about them. I rather fangirl over One Direction.

And I’m the sort of person who loves with the heart, not the eyes(Like Niall! ). Proof is when you look at my previous two crushes. They don’t look shuai or anything but I love the way they treat me and the feeling they give when they’re with me, and creating small talk with me. I rarely start conversations because I was afraid. My first crush was a socialite, so he talks to everyone, including me, and we became kinda close until he leaves. My second crush makes me feel special and always always talk to me whenever I’m alone with nobody, and I love the way his eyes look deep into mine. Nothing comes out of those crushes even though I’ve been crushing on them for like, four years each and so now eventually, I give up. I’ll just wait I guess.

But then again, I don’t do the first move with guys so I’m gonna have a loooong wait. Lol.

Went to visit Rusty after school today and he kinda looked like he shrinked. But then his owner insisted that its just his fur hahas! Gosh Rusty, why are you so cute! ^^

Recently quite some gatherings are being organised. Cca, class, blabla. I don’t feel like going even though I did went for some of them. I don’t socialise with those people a lot and seriously, I KNOW they’re just being polite asking me along. In your heart, I don’t even belong. In my heart, I don’t belong as well. Can we just be strangers already? No I don’t miss you all, in fact, I’m more than happy to move on. I’m happier than I was in secondary school so please please don’t make me experience those times again. I know NONE of you want to meet me at all okay! I know you’re happy to see me not going.

Really hope that my new class won’t treat me the way they do. So far.. nope, they haven’t. Everyone’s friendly. Guess I’m just better with the juniors. It comes naturally like this. Three years with this class. Please turn out to be good okay… I wish it could be as bonded as the one in my sec 2.

But then, everyone has already been splited into cliques and I belong to the smallest clique in class. I always end up in the small cliques hahas. But I love these two girls, don’t get me wrong. I just hope that our class could be bonded like a whole. Right now, its as if my class is only made of of me, Amelia and Carity, and in other people’s eyes, its just them and their own cliques and etc. Other people, esp the “popular clique” has officially became hi-bye friends with me. Now there’s this awkward and caution between me and them. As for the “studious clique”, they’re friendlier people because there’s more girls and we can chat a little at least. But there’s still this barrier and lets say I suddenly ask them if they want to go out or something, the thing most likely going thru their head is “Oh, are you asking me?”

Yeah.

I just hope this class won’t break up any further. If not I’ll be kicked to one side again and have to survive ALONE for another 3 years.

Time for happier stuff. I’m going for dinner. After that I’ll study for tmr’s obc test. Hope its as fun as today’s pipc. Hahas! ;D

Cheerios,
Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

佛光普照你，给你祥和。菩萨保佑你，给你平安。♥

21 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

But I’ll still miss you and remember all those times ok!

Just got good news today! ^^
Ok its not exactly considered good news but its at least some progress.

The other time, I prayed to Hermes, god of cheaters. And what I didn’t say is that, he gave me an idea. I knew its not from myself because I prayed to him before I take a nap and usually nap time nothing come out de. But just that day, because I prayed to Hermes, and I took a nap, and halfway, something just struck and ideas started flowing in and I had to wake up and record all of them down before I forget them.

The idea was: Write an apology letter.

Letter usually works so I trusted in this and I wrote one tgt with my friend. But I was believing in it so much while my friend treats it as something useless. -,- But in the end, we were told that because of the letter, our punishments would be lighter although they hadn’t decided on what yet. I was so happy because of that and I was like THANK YOU LORD HERMES all over. ^^

And while scrolling in tumblr today, I came across this gif…
Click here to see it
It was SO DAMN CUTE OK! But then it was like, meow I’m hungry, can this be eaten? No? Meowwwoww sad… Is there food? I just wanna take it home and feed it fat ok! Aww you poor darling, come to mummy, I’ll give you safe haven, I love you baby.

Hoping for the best for now. Thank you Hermes, I knew you’d help me! Grateful much! You’re like, saving my life ok! And even if theres the record, it’d be removed in a few semesters if we were good girls. Yayy! ^^

I’m getting away from the lowest point of this roller coaster of life now. GOOD. (:

Cheerios,
Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

Candyfloss kittens

19 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

That picture is using a quote I wanna believe in now and also, IT LOOKS LIKE THE BEACH FROM ONE DIRECTION’S WMYB MV! Hehes. Best choice.

Well so I received some bad news yst that my life might be screwed for life and I was really afraid that it’ll affect my university admission and results in my inability to be a vet.

My first thought was: Time to die.
Because I live to be a vet, its my lifetime goal to save wild animals and now one stupid single action is cancelling all my past deeds and hard work, throwing me nowhere already so I’m no better off from death as I do not want to do anything else.

Then my second thought was: No. There IS a second choice.
I want to be with One Direction. So I was thinking I’d quit school, get a job, get enough money and then go to look for One Direction.

My third thought was: Ok. I need a more sensible choice. As if One Direction wants you.
So I decided to retake O levels English for a better score. And then join next year’s jae admission to enroll into a jc IF anything bad will happen in poly, I will quit school before anything bad happens.

Ok. So that’s about all. The only good news I got yst was that I was chosen for tp archery interview but then I’m disappointed again when they told me the price to join: 3 times a week and $200+/- to buy personal equipment like the arrows. Personal equipment sounds cool. But the money was cooler. -,- And my mum was like, NO.

So after today’s tp archery interview, I decided to go to my fotang and repent in front of Lord Buddha. It’s like a whole load of months since I last went there lol. Donated $10 and its the first time I donated such a sum of money but I don’t really care about my finances now that my life is screwed and I wanted to do something for my supposedly religion because I DO like this religion’s teaching. Most of them goes along with what I thought, unlike the other religions I’ve tried.

Then I went to this souvenir corner I used to never bother to stop at. And I spotted this really pretty bracelet and its costs $16. I looked into my wallet and realise there’s only $15 left. THIS IS MY LIFE, PEOPLE! -,-

Then went to sign up for volunteer services but then the ppl are not ard. But I gave my number to the reception and she say they’ll call me on Monday or Tuesday. I hope I’m not having lessons while they called. Wait. I don’t even have the mood to go to school anymore.

If my twitter wasnt so lag, I would’ve fangirled all day all night. wtf is wrong w my twitter lately? Grr….

Til I blog again,
Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

Powder to bomb

17 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

It’s not been good lately. Even though I try my best to feel good and be optimistic about stuff, I think I’m at a low point of the roller coaster of life now.

Burned midnight oil trying to study last night but nothing much went in. Still got sent to bed. Woke up late in the morning, but made it in time to catch the shuttle bus because I was thinking I wanna try out the shuttle bus service. It was not bad. Reached pretty quick.

Ate breakfast in school. Then lessons. Studied for tests during lessons. Didnt listen. For both. Kinda. Didnt study during break. Stupid. Then got caught when I tried to cheat during the actual test. Fml.

I wanted to not care. That none of these matters. But the truth is I can’t run from these real feelings. I’m scared. Of everything. I’m still scared even though I tried not to be. Battling them, facing them, running away. It makes no difference, I’m still scared in the end.

I thought I didn’t care. I can manage a smile.. A laugh… But I only know that it’s all a facade when I was alone again, on the bus, and then tears just started coming in. I just wanted rewind time and undo that action. I rather lose that two marks than lose two futures right here.

And as cheating is a serious offence, I should be getting ready to die for the rest of my life. Future is screwed if they are gonna give us big consequences. And I can’t believe it all started with a whisper to ask where is the serous membrane at. This one small little action that I do might be killing me internally.

It’s my first time, please have some mercy yeah? My Lord Hermes you’ve been by my side, helping me 90% of the time I prayed and I know you’ve been there when I felt lonely sometimes. It was you. You do care, don’t you? Even though this civilisation has been unfair. Help me this once more will you?

All my life I’ve been good but now… Oh woah oh I’m thinking what the hell?
When I’ve been trying my best to be a good girl. And now one stupid move is gonna brand me a bad girl. And I’ve screwed my life like this. Letting you down, letting myself down. I could have just go out and rob a bank now it makes no difference does it? Society is gonna see me as someone who does things like this already just because someone is going to say I’m a cheater.

If it’s confirmed that my life is screwed for sure, I was thinking I should go out and have fun by screwing it up further more. But it’s totally against my own laws that I don’t wanna let my parents or teachers(who actually cared) or tutor down. So I was thinking, if it is screwed up, I’ll get a job, earn some money and go abroad and live in a forest, a jungle or something. Away from civilisation as I’ve always wanted to. The thing that’s been rooting me here is my good progress, that I might actually survive well in here. I’m wrong. I’m better off away from humans. Vampires shouldn’t be living among them.

Went home not in a good mood and wont talk and just wanna do nth but my parents kept nagging, worsening my mood. Seriously. She wants me to go home early and yet everytime I did, all she do was nag and nag. If you want me to go somewhere, aren’t you suppose to make the place like, enjoyable and worth the time? Saying that I didn’t do anything. Saying I don’t know anything. Won’t even let me have a chance to speak. Loving you only because you’re my mother and nothing else more.

I guess I dont look as if I am in pain or what. Because when I looked in the mirror, my face was calm and cold. I looked like that too when I was grieving badly and everyone assumed I’m not hurt deeply. It’s good in a way so I don’t look weak when I’m at my weakest. Good for independence living. I’m ready for survival alone out there. I just need some knowledge about what to eat and what not to.

This feeling rarely comes. This need to go off alone away from humans because I don’t belong. Even my dad says I don’t belong in the human population, like gosh is he finally admitting that his daughter is really a vampire? The first time I had this feeling was when my grandma left. I just wanna cut off from this world, go to the underworld and visit her. Why can’t things be forever here? The second time was when I kept constantly getting rejected by jobs. I thought I was useless and I can’t do anything w my life here in human civilisation, I tried to escape but there isn’t a way to because everywhere ard me, civilisation is surrounding me and idk where is the wilderness where I can be free. Went out alone, sat somewhere lonely and cried, meanwhile praying no one sees me. Yeah of course, even when the humans see me, they ignore me. That’s the way humans work is it?

Why do you have to go? Now I don’t have anyone to trust in these kind of situation. You’re the only one I confided in did you know that? Why do everyone I confided in have to go, one by one. Going away from me, taken by death or life. Am I supposed to keep everything within myself? I’d explode okay.

But I can imagine you telling me what to do now. “Just live on for a while. Things shouldn’t get too bad, you’re still young. And it’s your first time.” and you’ll look into my eyes to see how I really felt because you know words can’t tell how the heart really feels. And when you know you’ve assured me successfully, you’ll smile. And you like to make me laugh. And when you do, you always make my day. I go to bed happily. Facing the next day bravely with a genuine smile. Even when they knocked me down again, you never fail to pick me up and push me on. Always there for me. Until you left, that is. I sincerely hate whatever took you away from me.

Sometimes I imagine myself meeting you one day on the streets coincidentally. Or one day you’ll just appear to surprise me. It never happens because you’ve probably forgotten me but that’s alright. At least you’ve given me some memories, skills and believe.

Other times, I dream my fantasy came true. I leave this world when they found me, away to our paradise where we live happily ever after.

Turn my life for the better now please. All the gods that ever existed in whichever religion. Don’t let my future be destroyed by a simple act when I’ve worked hard for so many years already. Please please don’t let their efforts go to waste. I don’t wanna let anybody down.

Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

Closer to my heart

16 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nelli317 in Blog

I must be crazy.
Ok and so today I woke up at 7am, which is later than I wanted to, and I got everything ready and I set out for school.
Halfway on the bus journey I realised I forgot to wear covered shoes and the first period was lab. And lab lessons wants us to wear covered shoes or they’ll chase us out. Panicked. In the end, borrowed LiZhen’s shoes for three hours since she doesn’t have lab. Thank the gods! And thank her as well. Love you! xx

I didn’t wear covered shoes because I had an interview after school…
And so after school, I went to outram because thats where the person said the interview will be held at. Totally got lost and walked a lot of circles. I hate singapore, its so hot. And I was sweating , which ruined my image lol. Who sweats for a job interview(to promote stuff)?

And the worst thing was, it was night so it was dark and I couldn’t see properly. I anyhow walked and the person called me, saying that shes waiting for me in front of a hotel. I saw the hotel so I crossed the road and saw three girls and a guy there. All dressed professionally and as if discussing business plans. One of the girls looked at me and say “Follow me.” So I followed her and the man into the place. THe other two girls were like, “Wait! Can I help you? Are you with them?” I was thinking “Not meh? Interview here right?” But I said”Yeah.” And I followed them in.

The interior of the place was nothing as expected. It was a bar lmao. An empty one. So what I saw was lots of empty seats, a bartender and the first girl walking towards the exit. I stood there, waiting for someone to tell me to sit or go somewhere but nobody did. I turned around and a girl was like, “Can I help you?” It then dawned on me that I’m not in the right place and I got out of the place quickly. Malu can!

Then as I walked out of the bar, the person called me and said: “Where are you? I thought I saw you just now but you disappeared?” And Im like, “Um.. Yeah I think I followed the wrong person” and I went to find her. And this time it was the right person and she lead me into an office-like place. Finally. Lol. And my bag was heavy, and I was lugging around a seriously thick book. Making me look like some nerd. I think I most probably had already failed that interview even before I start it. Fantastic. -,-

I’ve got a MStats test today. And I studied MStats only the night before and this morning so I was rather surprise when I can tackle all the questions. Much thanks to one of my gods (my tutor) for that. He’s the one who taught me to tackle problems, I just didnt expect that skill to be still in me after so long. Thank you, alright!

Oh and before I forget, I promised Amelia I’d post this.. My perfect 10 guy!
(Not in order)
1) Music person (Piano!)
2) Don’t sweat alot (Smells good?)
3) Older than me (Not more than 10yrs)
4) Caring & sweet
5) Sense of humour
6) Likes animals
7) Respectful
8) Gentlemanly
9) Speaks Chinese
10) Has no religion
It’s nice if a guy had all ten of these traits…
It’s alright if he don’t, I might like him for another thing…
It’s more than perfect if he’s more than those traits listed. ♥

And the seriously god-like boy I told you about has these 20…
1) Good memory
2) Don’t hold grudge
3) Loves cats
4) Play piano
5) Speaks alot of languages
6) Smart
7) Caring and sweet(A lil self-sacrificial in some ways)
8) Speaks Chinese for me
9) Few girl-friends
10) Lives near me
11) Sense of humour
12) Humble
13) Family guy
14) Doesn’t judge
15) Older than me (Not too far)
16) No religion
17) Respectful
18) Cute
19) Maths person
20) Mature on the outside, lame on the inside (Yeah almost the right amt)

What is not good about him(For me):
1) He hates texting (I used to like texting)
2) Doesn’t share some of my interests/viewpoint (This is not much of a problem but when a couple doesn’t share interests/views, it’s hard to talk and easy to quarrel unless your r/s is like me and MuiPeng’s friendship.)
3) … (idk he’s hard to hate.)

Okay! So.. yeah. (:

HAP test tmr… It’s biology… Something I haven’t been doing ever since sec 3. I hope I pass. Cramming everything necessary into my head right now. I’m really going to dream of HAP tonight. Wish me luck, I’ll need lots of it! xx

Cheerios,
Βάμπιρ Νέλλι
{¢hαςτε Lσνε♥}

Does it bother you that we hardly ever talk, or is it just me?